The SF "Entourage": Comparing The Giants To The HBO Show Characters

Which character in Entourage resembles which San Francisco Giants player? I have the answers for you in this post and on Bleacher Report.

See the post in slide show form at Bleacher Report

The popular HBO show "Entourage" is four episodes into its sixth season, and the San Francisco Giants have 44 games left in their season.

With this correlation of fours, I think it is time we do a comparison between the San Francisco Giants players and the characters from the show "Entourage." Who is the Vince of this Giants team that is the figurehead of the group? Who is the fiery Ari?

Some comparison may be a stretch, and I'm sure there will be occasions where you will scratch your head and say "What?" Just bear with me though. If you are a fan of the show, and a fan of the boys in black and orange, then this is definitely something that should be up your alley.

Vincent Chase: Tim Lincecum

Much like Vinnie Chase in the group of friends from Queens, Tim Lincecum is the "star" of this Giants team, and deservedly so.

While Vince was getting fame in Hollywood from starring in movies like "Head On" and "Aquaman," Lincecum was doing his own star work last year, where he went 18-5 with a 2.62 ERA and recorded 265 strikeouts.

And if that wasn't enough, Lincecum has built on the larger-than-life image he created last year by having another great season so far this year with the Giants. He is currently 12-3, with a 2.18 ERA and was the starting pitcher for the National League in the All-Star game.

For the past year-and-a-half, the Giants have fed off "The Freak." When he is doing great on the mound, and mowing guys down on the mound, the Giants play with a heightened sense of confidence.

When Lincecum doesn't have his best stuff, often the Giants lineup picks him up the best they can, similarly to the boys picking Vince up after "Medellin" tanked at the Cannes Film Festival.

Who knows if Lincecum picks up the same amount of "suitors" Vince does when he is off the set. However, it's safe to say that the amount of media attention Lincecum gets certainly rivals, if not passes, the fictional movie star.

Eric Murphy: Matt Cain

While Vince is the star of the show, the guy that is the face of the group, Cain is second-leading man, much like "E." And like Eric, Cain prefers to keep his impact in the background. He isn't as big a face as Lincecum, doesn't have the Sports Illustrated cover or the NL Cy Young (yet), but it is impossible to think that this Giants team would be what it currently is without Cain in the rotation.

Like Eric, Cain has not had an easy path when it came to being the pitcher he currently is. While Eric couldn't get any respect from talent agents and movie producers while representing Vince as his manager, Cain could get no run support from the Giants offense.

After going 13-12 with a 4.15 ERA in his first full year in the Major Leagues in 2006, Cain went 7-16 and 8-14 his next to two years despite having an ERA of 3.64 and 3.76 in 2007, and 2008, respectively.

Now, as Eric gets more respect from his peers in the movie industry, Cain is getting more run support from his Giants teammates, which has resulted in a breakout season for the Giants' second-best pitcher. Cain made the All-Star team this year, and going into Friday had a 12-3 record with a 2.25 ERA.

As Eric is no longer "The Pizza Boy from Queens," Cain is no longer considered by critics as a "Middle-of-the-rotation guy." He is a guy that certainly deserves to be in the discussion of the National League's top pitchers.

Turtle: Pablo Sandoval

Turtle may be the most surprisingly enjoyable and worthwhile character on the show. He is a loyal, funny, charismatic figure in the group that accomplishes a lot more for the guys than people give him credit for.

Sandoval does a lot of the same things. Even though his growing celebrity increases with each home run he hits, and as he homes in on catching Hanley Ramirez for the NL Batting Crown, he still is relatively an unknown name in the baseball world.

Yet much like Turtle, Sandoval does all the little things that keeps this Giants train rolling.

Turtle does things like drive all the guys around, keeps everyone loose, and makes sure that Vince and Drama always have a fair amount of weed on stock in the house.

Sandoval keeps the Giants offense going, provides surprisingly sparkling defense at the hot corner, and gives the clubhouse a jovial environment that was absent during the Barry Bonds days.

Sandoval doesn't go completely unrecognized. While Turtle gets his share of gifts as compensation for his loyalty and contributions (He got a new car from both his hot Sopranos-starring girlfriend and from Vince, all in the same day), Sandoval gets a fair amount of "Panda Loving" from Giants fans as they sport Panda masks, shirts and even costumes all over AT&T Park.

Say what you want about both Turtle and Sandoval's statures (e.g. they're a little "big-boned"). There is certainly a lot to like about both these guys.

Johnny Drama: Aaron Rowand

Surprisingly, there are a lot of similarities between Johnny Drama and Aaron Rowand that go beyond just looks (Don't they look similar though?).

Drama for most of his career has been known as an underachieving actor, who was grossly overpaid and was thought to never have an impact in the Hollywood world again after his show "Viking Quest" was taken off the air.

Rowand for most of his career has been known for crashing into walls than his actual play. Furthermore, despite a solid first half, last year, many Giants fans have gotten fed up with Rowand, as many fans clamored that he was overpaid and was underachieving in his tenure as the Bay Area's everyday centerfielder.

Yet Rowand is a key contributor to this Giants team, much like Drama has been to the group of friends.

When the offense has struggled at times, Rowand has been key in helping recharge the lineup. Last year, he did so in the first half, and this year, his move to the leadoff spot helped the Giants spark their hot June.

Drama helped the group of friends in a similar way, as he housed all the guys when Vince went unemployed after the disaster that was the "Medellin" premiere at Cannes.

Furthermore, much like Drama with the other three guys, Rowand is a figure of experience and leadership on the team. He has seen his share of ups and downs from Chicago to Philadelphia and he understand his role in terms of helping this Giants team develop, even if it comes at the cost of his own individual accolades. Drama may not be as successful as his half-brother Vince, but it goes without question his advice his valued (even if not initially or admittedly by the other guys in the group).

Ari Gold: Barry Zito

Ari Gold is a well-traveled agent who has seen and gone through his share of movie and television stars throughout his tenure. Barry Zito is a well-traveled pitcher that has seen and gone through his fair share of hitters throughout his Major League career.

Much like Ari in the group, Zito is one of the figureheads of the group and usually the voice of the team. Like Ari, he has had his share of successes, and he is more than willing to speak on other guys' behalf, even when he probably doesn't want to.

However, Zito and Ari do have their share of failures. Zito has failed to live up to his $126 million contract that he signed in 2007, and Ari has failed in getting all the right things for his clients, Vince especially. However, despite these setbacks, both guys keep their heads up, and remain confident when they go to work and do their thing.

Another subtle quality both Ari and Zito share is that they are loyal to their group. Despite all the criticism Zito's received in San Francisco as a Giant, he has remained a loyal guy to the Giants organization, and most importantly, his teammates. He isn't just a pitcher in the rotation, but he is a clubhouse leader that not only the younger pitchers can approach, but other players on the team as well.

Ari is very similar. He could be the insensitive, "Jay Mohr from Jerry Maguire-esque" agent who could care less about Vince and his crew. However, he treats them more like friends rather than clients, a key sign of his loyalty to the group that has remained loyal with him.

Now, if only Zito can get ticked off and tell a reporter or teammate to not bother him unless "Carmen Electra calls for an emergency..."

I don't think I can say the rest, but I think you already know what the last two words are.

Lloyd: Andres Torres

Much like Lloyd on the show, Torres is often taken for granted by Giants fans. However, like Lloyd, Torres does all the little things that help the Giants stay in games. He is a spark plug on the bases, he is a great outfielder that covers a massive amount of ground, and he is a tough out whenever he gets to the plate.

Going into the year, Torres was not thought much of, by the fans much like Drama did not think much of Ari hiring a male secretary to replace Emily. Torres hadn't played at the Major League level since 2006, and even then many thought he wouldn't last long, especially considering he was a leadoff-type that had never had an OBP over .300 in his career.

However, Torres, much like Lloyd on the show, has really surprised everyone. While he is only batting .247, he has a .337 OBP and a .809 OPS. Furthermore, he has been a key late-inning defensive replacement and pinch runner that has been valuable in close games this year.

Maybe Torres won't like being compared to a homosexual, Asian male secretary, but I assure you Andres, there is a lot of honor in being Lloyd. He is the Gehrig to Ari's Ruth. Without Lloyd, Ari wouldn't be who he is as an agent today. Without Torres, the Giants might not be the kind of team they currently are either.

Billy Walsh: Brian Wilson

Billy Walsh is a crazy, inexplicable director who is talented, but makes you squirm because you don't know what he is capable of doing when he is directing movies or writing scripts (uhh..."Silo" ring a bell?).

Brian Wilson is a crazy, inexplicable closer for the Giants who is talented, but makes you squirm in the ninth inning because you don't know what he is capable of doing when he trying to nail the coffin in a game.

He may mow them down by striking out the side with 98 mph fastballs, or he may walk the house and blow the game. It really is unpredictable with this guy, and you kind of wish there was somebody else closing out games for the Giants other than Wilson.

Yet, despite how unlikeable he may be, you still like Wilson because like Walsh with independent movies (sans "Medellin") he gets the job done. It may not be in the prettiest way, and may be in a fashion that will leave you frustrated to no end before it's over, but nonetheless the job gets done.

Look at his stats: 41 saves last year, 27 saves this year. He's getting the job done.

Look Walsh's stats too: one Sundance award, one massive cult hit in "Queens Boulevard," and a successful string of 70s-esque porno movies.

Wilson and Walsh are almost like two peas in a pod if you judge them by their accomplishments alone.

Andrew Klein: Jeremy Affeldt

I know Andrew Klein is a pretty new character to this show, but he and Jeremy Affeldt are very eerily similar in many ways that I couldn't leave him off this list.

For starters, Andrew Klein was once a very successful agent in the industry. However, he hit a bad streak, and was thought that he would be nothing close to what he once was (When Ari lobbied to Babs for the Miller-Gold Agency to hire him as an agent, Babs refused because in her words, "He was a loser").

Affeldt's career looked promising during his second season in Kansas City. However, unable to find a role on the team, he bounced around to Colorado and Cincinnati. While he didn't do bad on those teams, he never really found a definite role on this teams.

Now though, Affeldt has found is role in San Francisco as the eight-inning setup man, much like Klein has found his role as the premiere television talent agent in the MGA.

Yet like there are questions with Klein's infidelity affecting Ari and the agency as a whole, there are questions with Affeldt and whether or not he can hold up for the rest of the year. He has had a lot of close calls, and there is that sinking feeling he may implode when the Giants need him to the least.

Let's hope that doesn't happen with Affeldt, and that Klein gets back with his wife. I mean I know this agent girl is hot, but the wife he has is pretty darn hot too. You might as well stick with the wife and avoid all the headaches.

Off the Topic: A reason for my hate of E's new girl Ashley on "Entourage"

In the style of Jack Nicholson's "The Joker" from the 1989 "Batman": "There is a name to my pain...and its name is Ashley." (I consider her an "it" because she is more "succubus" and less "girl").

I have made a commitment to this blog. Other than Bleacher Report, all of my online writing will be now regulated to this site for the time being. I know, I go through more new blogs than Vince does with women on the show "Entourage," but after this summer, I have found my new-found commitment to the San Francisco Giants.

However, being the Bay Area Sports fan that I am (and unwilling and unable time-wise to put in the research and reading on other Bay Area sports teams as I do for the Giants) I will dabble on certain timely thoughts on other teams and sports every now and then. I can't help it. While I may not love the 49ers, Warriors, Zags, Golden Bears, and Sharks as much as the Giants, I still do have passion when it concerns those teams.

So I decided to come up with another recurring segment called "Off the Topic." If it is a post that has anything to do with something other than Giants baseball or baseball in general, than it will be labeled on the headline, "Off the Topic."

"Off the Topic" articles will also concern other musings as well, with this post being centered on my favorite live-action television show Entourage (my top shows are mostly animated. The top 5 are "South Park", "The Simpsons", "Entourage", "King of the Hill" and then "Family Guy").

For the past few weeks, I have been stewing about the latest development in the life of my second-favorite character on" Entourage", Eric, or more fondly known as "E" (Johnny Drama is the first, simply for the fact his comic ability is undeniable and he will always salvage a show with a good line).

That development that keeps me up late at night cursing myself to sleep about?

His new girl, Ashley.

I absolutely, positively hate her in every way, shape and form.

I consider myself a pretty non-grudging person. Usually, I'm the kind of guy that may hate something initially, but after a while, I am able to warm up to that something, whether it is a person or thing.

Case in point, I absolutely hated the movie "The Crow: City of Angels" when I first saw it. I thought it was dumb, idiotic and completely poor in every movie category. Then, I saw it a second and third time, did some research on the movie and I grew to like it. I found out that original story was actually quite good, and that it made more sense when you knew the original script (unfortunately, the producers screwed it all up, and thus the movie doesn't make much sense when you watch it initially).

So as you can see, I can find the good in a lot of things. I'm not a completely hateful person that hates something for a long period of time, unless that something is the Dodgers, or a Dodgers player who used to be a Giant (cough...Jeff Kent...cough).

Yet after three episodes, I can't find any love in my soul for E's new girl Ashley. She epitomizes everything I hate about a friend's girlfriend.

That's right. She represents every friend's girlfriend you have hated in your lifetime.

You see, in every friend circle, there has always been that girlfriend of your friend that you have hated. Usually, it is a pretty wide sentiment too. Everybody in your circle of friends hates this girl, and you all want your friend to break up with her because she not only makes the life of your friend lousy, but she makes everybody else life in your circle of friends lousy as well.

And the worst part of that is nobody ever has the balls to admit that to the friend. Everyone kind of deals with it. Everyone deals how she is always around when you guys are hanging out. Everyone deals with how annoying she is. Everyone deals with how unattractive she is, even though she and your friend who is going out with her don't know it. Everyone deals with the fact that there are going to be those moments when she approaches you in public without your friend at her side and you have to be polite and actually hold a conversation with her even though every bone in your body wants to run or become invisible at that exact moment.

It's not fun. It has happened to my circle of friends numerous times. I would name names, but like I said, I don't hold grudges, remember?

Anyways, why is this "friend's girlfriend you hate" thing so important? Because Ashley is the perfect storm of that antagonizing figure.

First, she is unattractive. Seriously, the girl looks like a Bratz doll (e.g. really big head, grotesquely skinny body). I understand that any girl in comparison to Sloan would look unattractive, but come on! This is too much. Emily looks like a model compared to this girl. If somebody approached me and said "Look, you can sleep with Emily and get no money, or you can sleep with Ashley and get 1,000 bucks" I would take sleeping with Emily every time. And Emily's no prized "Madison Bumgarner" prospect either. She's cute, but not Sloan hot. Yet, I would still hook up with her for free rather than get with Ashley and actually get paid. That is how put off I am by Ashley's looks.

Second, she is annoying. I have known plenty of annoying girls in my short time so far here on Earth. Ashley tops them all, and I'm only exposed to her about a max of five to ten minutes a week. She is just everything you don't like about a girl: she is overbearing, she is awkward with people and she is simply strange and not in a good way.

Sometimes you want strange in a girl. Strange can make you keep interest in someone when you usually would grow bored with them. This is not a "good" strange with her. Rather than the "Wow, I want to know what makes her click" kind of strange, Ashley is the "I really don't enjoy where this is going because it might make me sick" kind of strange. Plain and simple, she tries too hard to be somebody you just don't see in her. The whole "Have you ever had sex with anybody in your office?" scene in Episode 4 was just downright uncomfortable to watch. You look at her and are like "No way she said that. How can she say that? No way the writers put that in the script...right?" Granted, that could be a product of bad writing and bad acting, but whatever. The bottom line? I don't feel comfortable when I watch Ashley on screen and I wish I could fast forward her scenes simply to avoid that sour feeling I get in my stomach when she opens her big mouth (which I might do the next time I watch the show On Demand).

Lastly, and this what infuriates me the most, is that nobody else on the show seems to notice these flaws. Granted, it's early. Maybe there is that "girlfriend of the friend everybody hates" story brewing, but I just don't see it coming anytime soon. There are so many plot lines right now running that there just doesn't seem to be room for this one: the Jamie-Turtle relationship, everybody going out on their own etc. It's sad because I think if that storyline comes up, it could really turn a lot of people to the show because everybody would be like "Yeah, I sympathize with that. I totally hated (insert hated girlfriend's name) back when (insert friend's name) was going out with her in college."

To give the writers some credit, they tried to do it with Kristin, E's first girl, but even then, that was kind of half-assed. They were busy trying to develop E's own friendship with Vince that they didn't really have the time to bust out the whole "Man, everybody hates this girl and E really should break up with her now" angle. The writes had E kind of break up with her because there was really no room for her in the show anymore with E moving in with the "Entourage" and it would be just too convoluted and tough to keep Kristin in the running altogether. So they had her get with Emily, had E do it with the Perfect 10 model, and boom...the girlfriend everybody hates is out of the picture just like that.

Am I perhaps putting to much salt into this relationship? Am I putting too much thought and emotion into a television show? Perhaps, but I haven't got worked up and this involved with a television show in my life, and it pains me to have my experience with "Entourage" ruined every week this summer because of this one girl. I look forward to Entourage every Sunday. It's a common bond I have with my friends ever since we found out about the show sophomore year in the fall, and watched every episode that our friend downloaded off torrents until the season premiere later that spring. "Entourage" is a common bond not just between my friends, but between a lot of guys who find solace in the show and its characters.

And Ashley is ruining this bond I have with this show. She is ruining this small great thing I have in my life like that friend's girlfriend who ruins my own friendship with the guy she is toying with, and simply won't go away or won't get dumped. To make matters worse, she is being used on this show as if viewers actually like her, and actually believe she can be a good replacement for Sloan. That simply ticks me off to no end, simply because her future on this show not only will last until the end of the season, but even possibly beyond (oh God, please don't let that be so).

Of course, it's out of my hands. Maybe something will happen. Maybe Drama, Turtle and Vince will grow to hate Ashley like I and a lot of my friends do.

If I can hope the Giants can win the World Series this year, then I can certainly hope Ashley will get the boot off this show she most certainly deserves.